After a couple of months of rehearsals, the director and I spoke and it became clear that I was not going to be able to provide him with what he needed to achieve his vision. It was his decision, but we both agreed it was better that he recast the part. I don't particularly want to go into details; I don't think it would be appropriate and I don't want anyone misunderstanding the situation.
I misunderstood what he was going to need from me for some of the scenes, and when we realized this, we had a couple of really respectful conversations. He told me exactly what he wanted from me on stage and gave me the time to think about whether that was something I could provide. He didn't have to do that; he could have recast me without explanation. But he didn't. He respected me as an actress and as a person.
Dealing with all of this for the show made me realize to a deeper degree than I had before how much vulnerability and emotional intelligence it takes to be an actor. When I realized I couldn't give him what he needed, at first I thought that meant I couldn't be a successful actress, because I couldn't be as vulnerable as he needed me to be. But, fortunately, he gave me the time and space to process it, and I realized its not that I can't go to those places of emotional vulnerability and emotional intelligence; its simply that I have certain lines I can't cross. I think we all do.
Its really very unfortunate that we didn't realize the miscommunication when he cast me in the part, that we didn't realize his vision would cross some personal lines for me. I definitely learned a few lessons in all of this, and I came to respect the director for how he handled the situation. He saw me as a person, not a thing, not a robot. He saw how hard I was working on my craft and how hard I was working to meet his vision. I'm really grateful to him for that.
The situation didn't stymie my passion for acting; if anything it gave me more confidence in it.
If anyone wants to go see the show, you can find tickets here. Showing Sep 8-30 at Sam Bass Theatre in Round Rock, TX. The cast and crew are pretty great people and talented, too, and they're going to put on a good show.